Diary of a grey-haired grad student

by Michelle Ostiguy

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The fact that I found my first grey hair in the first month of grad school was partly indicative of what was to come. Having spent three great years teaching overseas, I had a sinking feeling that I had made the wrong choice in returning to Canada and debuting as a grad student. In the first week of school, my courses echoed "rigorous research" (YIKES!) while I was clearly still in teaching mode and I had the paint on my pants to prove it. I was better equipped to teach manipulative math and organize a week of centres than I was at performing regression analysis and actually understanding it. Validity, reliability and debating the benefits of quantitative over qualitative research replaced conversations about the classroom and the students. Research talk slowly took over our coffee conversations and rang through the halls at grad school. I began to wonder what the heck happened to all the teachers I met on the first day? I couldn't help but feel that it was a contest of us vs. them--teachers vs. rigorous researchers-and I was clearly on the losing side.

Then along came Action Research...

Suddenly I realized that teaching and research weren't mutually exclusive. The light (to which we have referred many times throughout the course) came on and I began to see the benefits of teaching and research combined. I also understood that I had been involved in the process but didn't know it had a name until I arrived freshly jetlagged at Queen's. Having lived with teachers for three years, I began to see the possibilities for taking our kitchen table talks and our daily de-briefing on the ride home several steps further to include more critical reflection and professional sharing. There's even hope of moving the NBC Club (Naggers, Bitchers and Complainers) down the hall towards using action research as a productive means to work onclassroom difficulties and become more positive and insightful teachers in theprocess. Action research has helped to narrow the gap between teaching and research. I have found my voice as a teacher researcher and I continue toovercome my vulnerability ... one step at a time.